Following Donald Trump’s decisive election victory in a deeply divided nation, one of IN’s American contributors writes a loving letter of encouragement to young members of the community…
By Shaley Howard
I woke up the day after the election like many others—shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened. The last thing I wanted to hear was platitudes: people telling me everything will be OK, or we just need to get back up on that horse. Enough of this fucking shit.
I’m a 57-year-old lesbian. I know what it’s like to live in a country that despises you and treats you like a second-class citizen. I grew up in a time when homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder in the DSM. A time when LGBTQ+ people had no rights, no equality, and certainly no legal protections. Most people were closeted out of fear of verbal and often physical attack. I’ve spent a lifetime pushing, protesting, and fighting for my right to simply exist. I thought we had made tremendous progress. I was wrong.
My mistake was believing the majority of Americans had changed. But Tuesday’s election showed us just how deep misogyny, racism, and hatred for the LGBTQ+ community run. This country did not vote for Donald Trump; it voted against women, Black people, and LGBTQ+ individuals. Any delusions I had of an America that embraces diversity are gone. As Freddie Gibbs said, “It broke my heart, but it fixed my vision.”
America was founded by white, cisgender, straight men. It’s a patriarchy that may soon turn into a dictatorship. Tuesday’s election results revealed that the patriarchy will not give up power without a fight. So much so, they would rather choose a vile, bumbling imbecile and known liar—a convicted rapist—as president, instead of an intelligent, powerful, compassionate Black woman. They poured millions into convincing white women and people of color that their best choice would be someone who would actually take away their rights.
I’d like to say this is a wake-up call, but after so many warnings in the past ten years, it feels more like the boy who cried wolf. Yet the wolf has been real all along—and now it’s inside our house. This is more of a scream to “know your enemy.” My fellow older queers who’ve endured a lifetime of oppression, discrimination, and violence will understand. For our younger LGBTQ+ family, if this is your first rodeo, buckle up.
If you are young and queer in America, you’ve only known a country that has afforded you protection under the law and social acceptance for who you are, so this might be shocking. Realizing your rights could be stripped away, and watching millions of voters vote against transgender rights (and ultimately LGBTQ+ rights), is a tough pill to swallow. One trans friend told me they decided to stop taking T, the hormone needed for their transition, out of fear. They said they will resign themselves to identifying as non-binary, even though they are transgender. Another young queer friend had a complete breakdown on the phone, telling me she immediately removed all queer-identifying social posts out of fear.
I get it. It’s scary. And I’m not going to tell anyone to double down and get back out there who’s not ready. I’m also not going to sugarcoat things or lie and say everything will be all right. The reality is that even in normal times, fighting for social justice, human rights, and equality is a very slow process.
But here’s the thing: we cannot stop pushing back. We must support each other, and we must continue to fight. We cannot allow the extreme right and the haters in this country to win. I say this as someone who has been fighting the uphill battle for equality and basic rights my entire adult life. Sure, we’ve had victories along the way. But it is a never-ending uphill battle. And it’s not a zero-sum game. We don’t win if others lose. We win by banding together. We win by making sure we stay strong as a community. We win by keeping our eyes wide open.
For my older LGBTQ+ generation who have seen times that felt hopeless, we need to be there for the younger generations. Many of us who were closeted for years know firsthand what it’s like to feel isolated and alone. I’m betting there are a lot of queers out there consumed with fear right now. Reach out to them. Listen and let them know they are loved and not alone.
It took me years to overcome my own internalized homophobia and self-hatred. Years to understand there was nothing wrong with me—just the misogynistic system I lived in. A system hell-bent on denying power to women, people of color, and LGBTQ+ individuals. A system designed to keep us down.
But there is nothing wrong with the way any of us walk through the world. It’s a lie that the patriarchy, Trump, and MAGA sheep want you to believe. Fight back. Fight them by loving each other. Fight by protesting, supporting social justice organizations, and letting go of the petty differences within our own community. Fight back by supporting women and people of color. Fight by not going back into the closet. We have each other. You are beautiful. Do not let them take away your humanity.
Shaley Howard is a small business owner, an award-winning activist, and published author. Her memoir, Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch, received the IPPY Silver Award for Excellence in 2024.
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