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Celebrating Canada’s LGBTQ2+ Community

SEX: 50 Shades Of…What?

BDSM is a growing interest, thanks to books like Fifty Shades of Grey—but what is BDSM?…
 
Do we have your attention yet? Simply put, BDSM is a variety of erotic practices including bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. The foundation of BDSM is the act of trust: trust from the Submissive, knowing that the Dominant will take care of them. It is an outlet of gaining power and trust for the Dominant, and seeking arousing thrill and praise for obedience for the Submissive.
 
Healthy D/S relationships are extremely important—so before you become involved, here are a few things that you need to know!
 
Communication is key
Having thorough conversations about comfort zones, limitations, things that you may or may not be interested in doing together, and having consent to play out a scene, are all super important before becoming involved. Be aware of any triggers a person may have; this can ruin a scene, and the overall experience. If you are the Submissive, it’s important to know that you hold all the cards. Submission is a gift, not a power the Dominant is entitled to. The Submissive should never feel obligated to do something they are not comfortable with.
 
If you are the Dominant, paying attention to detail.You should be prepared before any scene starts; be consistent. Have your Submissive select a safe word that they can use at any time to end a scene. If you’re going to have them restrained and unable to speak, they should also have a safe action. This could be a snap of the ngers, or something that you’ll have to look for—but pay attention, because this could be the line drawn between a healthy D/S relationship and an unhealthy relationship. Remember, your Submissive is putting all their trust in you to take care of them.
 
The honest policy is the best policy
Unless it’s determined beforehand that the Submissive wants the experience to remain a surprise, an introduction to the equipment should be made before anything gets started. They should take a good look around so they can get a feel for what is in store for them. This allows them to voice any concerns, or change their mind before playing. Use this time to also go over any rules that you either participant may have once entering a scene. But remember, rules shouldn’t leave any room for interpretation; all rules should be precise and achievable. Discuss rewards and punishments.
 
When a scene is complete, aftercare is just as important as the play itself. Sometimes, scenes are hard…they will drain both of you. Being part of a good D/S relationship means that you take care of one another. Dominants should make sure they have all of their Submissive’s favourite comfort items close by, and then reassure them with a cuddle, and soothing conversation.
 
Take-away notes
Dominants:

• Respect boundaries and comforts, and remember that communication is everything.
• Give and take; know when to praise and when to punish.
• Leave your day’s frustrations at the door, and always play with a positive mindset. Your Submissive is not your punching bag.
Submissives:
• Not everyone is a good Dominant; know who you’re getting involved with.
Both:
• Pay attention to detail, reaction, movement and safety.
• TLC is important. You both deserve it.
 

 
ASHLEY L. WILLIAMS is an essential part of the team at Seduction Love Boutique, being one of two main contributors to the Toronto stores’ marketing department as well as a dedicated sales manager. Seduction has proudly served the community since 1998; follow it on Instagram: @SeductionTO

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