Resources, information support and education for any queer person or family looking to start a family in Canada…
By Richard Holman
The desire to have a family is embedded in us at an early age. Societal norms shape our expectations, guiding us through a predefined path of “normalcy” – from playing sports to going to prom, to courting the opposite gender in a cis-gendered world that isn’t always set up for us to succeed. I remember distinct thoughts growing up. I remember feeling like I needed to have a girlfriend, to be involved in sports, to go to school dances and prom – to immerse myself in what I was supposed to do. Ultimately to have a family, which I always knew I wanted to have…and, growing up, I only knew of one way to make that happen.
The issue wasn’t that I couldn’t have these things, but that there were obstacles standing in my way of experiencing them authentically – as the person I am, not the person I thought I had to be.
Growing up queer is hard for many, depending on the generation, and even now, a lot of us feel the need to withhold our identities until we feel safe enough to share them. Some people never give themselves that opportunity. We cater to the status quo, often sacrificing valuable experiences for the ones we believe we need to participate in.
But something that exists regardless of sexuality or gender identity is the desire to create a family – to find partnership and to expand beyond it. However, for many reasons, being 2SLGBTQI+ presents challenges that wouldn’t exist if we fit neatly into a world designed without us in mind.
I have always wanted to expand my family beyond my partnership with my husband. And I want this for others, too – for those who face similar adversities in the pursuit of parenthood.
That’s why I created this guide: to provide a clear, accessible resource for 2SLGBTQI+ individuals and couples who, like me, are exploring their options for parenthood. Whether you’re considering surrogacy, adoption, fostering or other options, this guide is here to help you understand the choices available and find the best path forward for you.
UNDERSTANDING 2SLGBTQI+ PARENTING IN CANADA
Legal Landscape: How Parental Rights Have Evolved
As Canadians, we’re lucky to live in one of the more progressive countries in the world when it comes to 2SLGBTQI+ parenting rights. However, that progress didn’t happen overnight. Legal recognition of 2SLGBTQI+ individuals, particularly same-sex couples, has gradually become more accepted over the past two decades, and there is still work to be done.
Key Milestones in Canadian Law
- 2005 – Legalization of same-sex marriage: Canada was the fourth country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage, giving queer people the same rights as heterosexual married couples, including parental rights.
- 2016 – Ontario’s All Families Are Equal Act (Bill 28): This was a major step forward, recognizing diverse family structures and ensuring that same-sex parents (including those using surrogacy, assisted reproduction or known donors) are automatically legal parents from birth without needing to adopt their own children.
- Other provinces and territories: With Ontario leading the way, other provinces have begun to follow suit. Most now allow non-biological parents to be legally recognized at their child’s birth, removing the outdated requirement for adoption in these cases. However, laws and procedures still vary, especially regarding surrogacy and birth certificate registration.
Surrogacy And Assisted Reproduction Laws in Canada
Canada has what are called altruistic surrogacy laws, meaning that surrogates cannot be paid beyond reimbursement for expenses. This differs from the United States, where commercial surrogacy is legal in most states.
2SLGBTQI+ individuals and couples have full access to fertility treatments, sperm/egg donation and surrogacy, but provincial healthcare coverage for these services varies. Ontario, for example, provides funding for in-vitro fertilization (IVF) but will not cover all aspects of surrogacy, unfortunately.
Societal Perspectives: 2SLGBTQI+ Parenting in Canada Today
While Canada is known to be inclusive, social acceptance towards 2SLGBTQI+ families can still vary by region, culture and individual beliefs.
- Growing acceptance:
- Throughout the past few years, there has been a shift in opinion, with same-sex and 2SLGBTQI+ parents being seen in a more positive light.
- Representation in media, books and community organizations has helped normalize 2SLGBTQI+ families. Schools in many provinces include inclusive education about different family structures, and the status quo has been challenged by community members and allies alike.
- Challenges that still exist:
- In some religious or rural communities, queer parents still face stigma or discrimination. This can affect everything from social interactions to access to supportive healthcare providers.Some legal grey areas remain, particularly around cross-border recognition of parental rights and surrogacy agreements. Parents who choose to conceive children abroad via surrogacy may need additional legal steps to secure parental recognition in Canada.
While legal and social acceptance for 2SLGBTQI+ parents in Canada has improved, it’s always important to stay educated and to be informed about your rights, resources available to you, and any potential challenges. With protections like the All Families Are Equal Act, assisted reproductive options and increasing social acceptance, more 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians than ever before are now able to pursue parenthood. Hoops and hurdles are still in effect, but a more fair and equal opportunity is now achievable.
PATHWAYS TO SAME-SEX & 2SLGBTQI+ PARENTHOOD
For me, embarking on a journey to parenthood as a gay man in a same-sex relationship in Canada offers several opportunities. Each pathway comes with its own set of legalities, processes and personal considerations. Below, I outline these options, incorporating factual information and reflecting on my personal insights as well as highlighting routes for other parts of the 2SLGBTQI+ community.
Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART)
Insemination and IVF
For lesbian couples or individuals with a uterus, assisted reproductive technologies such as intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) are common. These procedures involve:
- Intrauterine insemination (IUI): Sperm is directly inserted into the uterus during ovulation.
- In vitro fertilization (IVF): Eggs are retrieved and fertilized with sperm in a lab, and the resulting embryo is implanted into the uterus.
In Canada, the Assisted Human Reproduction Act (AHRA) prohibits the purchase of sperm or eggs; however, donor gametes can be obtained altruistically. It’s essential for you to ensure that all procedures comply with both federal and provincial regulations.
Reciprocal IVF
This option allows both partners in a same-sex female couple to participate biologically: one partner provides the egg and the other carries the pregnancy. This shared experience can strengthen the bond between partners and their child.
Personal Insight
As a gay cis-man, I don’t have a uterus, so options like IUI or carrying a pregnancy aren’t available to me. However, understanding these processes is crucial, especially when discussing family planning with friends or considering co-parenting arrangements.
Altruistic Surrogacy in Canada
In Canada, surrogacy is governed by the Assisted Human Reproduction Act (AHRA), which permits only altruistic surrogacy. This means that while surrogates can be reimbursed for approved expenses, they cannot receive payment for their services. It’s illegal to pay a surrogate mother, offer payment or advertise such services.
Selecting a Surrogate
Finding the right surrogate involves building a trusting relationship. Many intended parents connect with surrogates through personal networks or surrogacy agencies. It’s crucial to ensure that any arrangement complies with Canadian laws, which prohibit commercial surrogacy and the payment for arranging such services.
Legal Considerations
Before entering a surrogacy arrangement, it’s imperative to seek legal advice. A legal agreement should outline the rights and responsibilities of all parties involved. While the AHRA provides a federal framework, family law – including the determination of legal parentage – falls under provincial jurisdiction. Therefore, it is essential to understand the specific laws in your province.
Personal Insight
My husband and I have considered surrogacy as a pathway to parenthood. The idea of having a biological connection to our child is appealing. However, the legal complexities and the need to find a surrogate willing to embark on this journey with us require careful consideration and planning.
Public Adoption
Public adoption involves adopting children through child welfare agencies. In Canada, same-sex couples are eligible to adopt, and public adoption is often the most cost-effective route, typically ranging from no cost to minimal fees. However, the process can be lengthy, and many children available through public adoption are older or have special needs.
Private Adoption
Private adoption agencies facilitate the adoption of infants or children. This process can be quicker than public adoption but comes with higher costs, often between $10,000 and $20,000. Same-sex couples have successfully adopted through private agencies, though it’s essential to research and select agencies that are inclusive and supportive of 2SLGBTQI+ families.
International Adoption
Adopting a child from another country presents additional challenges. Some countries do not permit adoption by same-sex couples, and the process can be complex and expensive, often exceeding $25,000. It’s crucial to understand both the laws of the child’s country of origin and Canadian immigration laws.
Personal Insight
Adoption has always been a consideration for us. The opportunity to provide a loving home to a child in need aligns with our values. We’re aware of the potential challenges, especially concerning international adoption, and are prepared to navigate them with the right support and resources.
Becoming a Foster Parent
Fostering involves caring for children temporarily, providing a nurturing environment for children in need until they can return to their families or find a permanent home. The requirements vary by province but generally include background checks, home assessments and training. Same-sex couples are eligible to become foster parents.
Pathway to Adoption
In some cases, fostering can lead to adoption, especially if the child’s birth parents are unable to resume care. This pathway allows prospective parents to build a relationship with the child before adoption. However, it’s essential to understand that not all foster placements result in adoption.
Personal Insight
While we haven’t contemplated fostering, for many it can be an opportunity to expand their family, and to make a positive impact on a child’s life. The idea of offering support during a critical time is fulfilling, though we recognize the emotional complexities involved, especially if the child returns to their birth family. This isn’t off the table for us, and a path we could take!
NAVIGATING LEGAL AND FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS
Legal Guidance
Canada has made significant strides in recognizing and protecting the rights of 2SLGBTQI+ families. The enactment of the Civil Marriage Act in 2005 was a pivotal moment, granting same-sex couples the legal right to marry nationwide. This legislation laid the foundation for equal parental rights.
In Ontario, the All Families Are Equal Act (2016) further modernized family law by ensuring that same-sex parents, non-biological parents and families using assisted reproduction have equal legal recognition. This law allows up to four individuals to be legally recognized as a child’s parents at birth, a significant step in affirming diverse family structures.
Given that family law varies by province, it is crucial to consult legal professionals who specialize in 2SLGBTQI+ family law. This is especially important for surrogacy agreements, adoption proceedings and co-parenting arrangements, where parental rights need to be explicitly established through legal documentation.
Financial Planning
Each pathway to parenthood comes with financial implications. Here’s an overview of estimated costs:
- Assisted reproductive technologies (ART)
- IUI: $1,000–$2,000 per cycle
- IVF: $10,000–$20,000 per cycle
- Donor sperm or eggs: $500–$5,000 per vial or donation
- Surrogacy
- Legal fees: $5,000–$15,000
- Medical and agency fees: $80,000–$150,000
- Surrogate reimbursements: Variable, covering only expenses that are eligible under Canadian law
- Adoption
- Public adoption: Low to no cost
- Private adoption: $10,000–$30,000
- International adoption: $25,000+
- Fostering
- Generally, there are no costs to become a foster parent
- Financial support is often provided for the child’s care
Personal Insight
As my husband and I consider parenthood, financial planning has become a significant part of our discussions. While surrogacy offers the possibility of a biological connection, the high costs make it necessary to explore savings plans, grants and even employer fertility benefits. Understanding the legal landscape ensures that whichever path we take, we are fully protected and prepared for the journey ahead.
EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL SUPPORT
Building a Strong Support Network
Parenthood is a transformative journey, and for 2SLGBTQI+ individuals and couples, having a strong support system is essential. While friends and family can be pillars of encouragement, it’s also valuable to connect with others who share similar experiences. Whether through local 2SLGBTQI+ parenting groups, online communities or mentorship programs, finding people who understand your path can offer reassurance and guidance.
Support networks go beyond just emotional encouragement: they can provide practical advice on navigating fertility clinics, adoption agencies and legal processes. Many 2SLGBTQI+ parents form chosen families, surrounding themselves with people who uplift and affirm their identities while offering meaningful support throughout the parenting process.
Mental Health Considerations
For 2SLGBTQI+ individuals, the journey to parenthood can come with unique emotional challenges. The stress of fertility treatments, legal hurdles and societal biases can take a toll on mental well-being. Feelings of isolation, frustration or even imposter syndrome as a queer parent are common, but they are manageable with the right coping strategies.
Therapy, support groups and mindfulness practices can be helpful tools in maintaining mental health. Connecting with professionals who specialize in 2SLGBTQI+ family dynamics ensures that emotional concerns are met with understanding and relevant advice. It’s also important to advocate for your needs within medical and legal spaces, ensuring that you receive affirming care and guidance.
Personal Insight
Throughout my own journey, I’ve come to appreciate the profound impact of a solid support system. My husband and I have relied on each other, but also on the wisdom and shared experiences of other queer parents who have walked this path before us. Knowing that we’re not alone – whether through community groups, trusted professionals or even friends who simply listen – has made this journey feel more possible.
RESOURCES AND SUPPORT ORGANIZATIONS
Workshops and Educational Programs
- Sherbourne Health – Offers workshops and resources tailored to 2SLGBTQ+ individuals pursuing parenthood. (Sherbourne Health)
- Rainbow Families – Provides educational sessions, parenting workshops and meet-ups for LGBTQ+ parents and prospective parents.
- Fertility Clinics with LGBTQ+ Programs – Many fertility centres, such as Create Fertility Centre in Toronto, have programs designed specifically for same-sex couples and trans individuals.
Legal Resources
- Canadian Bar Association – Offers guidance on family law, surrogacy agreements and adoption rights. (CBA)
- Legal Aid Ontario – Provides legal assistance for family law matters, including parental rights for LGBTQ+ families. (Legal Aid Ontario)
- Egale Canada – A leading organization advocating for 2SLGBTQ+ rights, including legal resources for family-building. (Egale)
Community Support Groups
- PFLAG Canada – Offers support for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families, helping parents connect with inclusive communities. (PFLAG)
- LGBTQ Parenting Network – A Toronto-based network providing resources, peer support and advocacy for queer parents and parents-to-be. (LGBTQ Parenting Network)
- Online Support Communities – Facebook groups, Reddit forums and local LGBTQ+ centres often host virtual and in-person support networks for prospective parents.
With the right resources and a strong community, 2SLGBTQI+ individuals and couples can confidently navigate the path to parenthood.
CREATING YOUR FAMILY
Parenthood is a path of hope, of challenge, of profound love – a path that all humans should be able to travel, irrespective of gender identity or sexual orientation. For 2SLGBTQI+ individuals and couples, the way may not always seem certain, but it is emphatically possible. With shifting legal safeguards, evolving reproductive technology and a web of expanding support, queer families are constructing their lives in ways once unimaginable.
No matter which path you take – surrogacy, adoption, fostering or assisted reproduction – love, resilience, and the unbreakable commitment to parent a child in a still-unsure world that is learning to embrace us for all our complexity, are truly what make a family. The journey can be difficult, but armed with the right resources, legal protections and support networks, creating the family you have always dreamed of is more than just a potentiality: it’s a reachable reality.
Anne / 01 April 2025
This was very helpful. Thank you!