What happens after the parade?
By: Charles Last
For many, Pride means celebration with friends and (chosen) family, exploring joy and creativity out in the world, watching music and drag performances, getting lots of sun, and being super social. It can mean a change in your regularly scheduled programming for everything from rest to diet to substance use to fluid intake! Pride season can mean finding camaraderie and empowerment and breaking through the confines of a cisheteronormative world. For those who might not feel safe coming out just yet, Pride events can pull out feelings of longing, confusion, loneliness, and distress. It’s a time of big feelings about big things.
During Pride, a lot of otherwise indifferent organizations and companies actively promote 2SLGBTQIA+ rights. Offers of help and support abound, discussions of mental health needs are foregrounded, and any sign of homophobia or transphobia is often addressed much more directly. It feels like you have a posse at your back, fighting in your corner, cheering you on. But when Pride season ends, the abrupt disappearance of all that support and excitement can be really hard on people.
There’s plenty of mental health research that supports the need for Pride, but there’s not a lot of research on what 2SLGBTQIA+ people feel in the weeks after. Are we buoyed and sustained by the joie de vivre of the previous month, or do we end up feeling a bit worse once all the flags are put away? It’s probably a bit of both. Let’s take a look at some snapshots of how we might feel during and after Pride, as well as some strategies to help move through tough feelings and experiences.
During Pride: Surrounded by people celebrating queerness!
After Pride: Cisheterosexism all over again!
Solution: Get together with other queer people and allies online or in person to be queer and inclusive together. Craft nights, regular drag shows or comedy open mics, anything that builds positive community. If you’re not an extrovert but really enjoy the feeling of queer connection, get yourself a book list that really holds space for queer joy.
PRO TIP: Find a queer therapist that understands the relentlessness of cisheterosexism to explore the nuances of your queer experiences with you!
During Pride: Schedule dictated by big exciting events, lots to look forward to, or, depending on your personality, stress out about!
After Pride: Falling back into a schedule or having a hard time finding that schedule. You might feel relieved or suddenly bored and resentful.
Solution: Plan other events to get excited about at regular intervals, and ease back into schedules with lots of little rewards along the way. Sometimes a big shake-up like a week of partying and being social can point us to things that need to change.
PRO TIP: Navigating changes, whether into a routine or out of one, can be hard. A good therapist can help you see the paths ahead more clearly, and give you helpful tools for building yourself up.
During Pride: People in your corner to resist homophobia and transphobia! A sense that there is safety in numbers, and you can fully be yourself.
After Pride: There may be backlash from those outside of the queer community, or you may suddenly feel a resurgence of internalized shame. Suddenly you don’t feel as safe being yourself.
Solution: Remember that Pride is political because we are still fighting for space. Reach out to other organizations in your community that do work in this area all year round. Remember that you have the right to be treated with respect, and that self respect is a part of the work too.
PRO TIP: It can be hard to find queer-specific support in smaller towns or neighbourhoods, but there are therapists that offer online and phone appointments so you can access affirming mental health support wherever you are!
During Pride: Everyone’s partying all the time! It’s normal to be using substances at any time of day or night! No one is judging anyone for anything!
After Pride: Suddenly it seems kind of hard to slow down on substances and it’s not working for your life. Other people seem to be able to stop no problem, but you’re feeling left behind. You feel judged and lonely.
Solution: Big events like Pride can mask the formation of dependencies or habits that might be hard to break out of. This is totally fair! There are so many ways to reach out for help in this area, either working towards moderation or abstinence, or just taking a break. Ask around for harm reduction organizations in your area and talk to those close to you honestly about what you’re experiencing.
PRO TIP: Substance use and addiction can be really overwhelming and can sometimes be ways that we self medicate when we are struggling with our internal and external worlds. A good therapist who sees and accepts the whole of you will be a great help.
During Pride: Surrounded by queer people who seem confident and comfortable with their sexuality both in person and on your social media feed, but you’re not feeling that way just yet. You feel alienated or stressed out. You’re not sure how or if to engage.
After Pride: Left with feelings of confusion, longing, or loss. Maybe dealing with backlash within yourself or within a less accepting community.
Solution: Sit with your feelings of discomfort and ask them what they need. Are you feeling like you’re ready to talk to people you trust or do you need more time? Find joy, reinforce your inherent worth and avoid catastrophizing. Build from a strong core of self love!
PRO TIP: Struggling with identity can be so isolating. Even if it feels like no one in your immediate community can help with this, a good therapist will work with you to protect your privacy and your boundaries as you explore these feelings while also allowing you to decide if and when you’re ready to be out in community.
Pride celebrations can be a mix of highs and lows for a lot of people. Whatever your experience of Pride, that many people coming together for any reason can create a lot of big feelings. Reach out to your friends, book in with a therapist, write in your journal, connect with nature. Aftercare is key!
CHARLES LAST is the Office Administrator for Our Landing Place. Our Landing Place is a 2SLGBTQIA+ mental health collective providing affirming counselling services across Canada. For more information visit www.ourlandingplace.com.
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