How does a prostate orgasm differ from a penile orgasm? Well, they are difficult to describe and a unique experience for every man…
From helpful how-tos to cultural dissections, ‘Between the Sheets’ tackles fundamental––and sometimes just plain fun––sexual topics from a queer perspective.
By Bobby Box
The prostate is often referred to as the “male P-spot,” meaning if you were assigned male at birth, you can experience what’s akin to those G-spot orgasms you hear so much about. Unfortunately, like the G-spot, there’s very little known about prostate orgasms since they’re criminally understudied.
What we do know is mostly derived from survey-based data, and these findings are pretty wonderful. For instance, research has found that people who stimulate their prostate report thicker erections and orgasms 33 percent stronger than your standard genital orgasm.
It’s also good for your health. Routine prostate massage flushes the gland, clearing it of blockage and toxins. Massage also encourages blood-flow to our genitals which, together, can help prevent erectile dysfunction and reduce the risk of prostate cancer by as much as 34 percent.
If that weren’t enough to sell you, one-third of our penises hide inside our bodies (every inch counts!) and prostate massage gives this neglected portion of your shaft some playtime that’s long overdue.
So if you’re curious to expand your knowledge on the P-spot in all of its glory, you’ve come to the right place.
What is the prostate?
A prostate is often compared to food, in that it’s a uniquely textured, walnut-sized gland with the density of a plumb. It’s located roughly two to four inches inside the anus and its function is to produce prostatic fluid, a major component in semen. Sexually, the prostate can be stimulated internally and externally, though people say internal stimulation is better. (It’s me. I’m people.)
How can you stimulate the prostate?
While both internal and external stimulation feels great, internal stimulation is often better for orgasms as it provides closer, more intimate contact with the gland.
While everybody responds differently to stimulation, the “come hither” motion is most often recommended. To do so, insert a finger (or two) two to four inches inside your anus so it can curl toward the belly. When you think you’re there, slowly feel around for a plumb-like structure––you’ll know when you’ve found it. Then, brush it with the pads of your finger like you’re seductively beckoning a twink into a bathhouse backroom.
Next, try lightly tapping on the gland or tracing circles around it. Do all the things. Just go slow, use plenty of lube and make sure your nails are trimmed.
As I mentioned, the prostate can be stimulated externally as well, which some may prefer if they don’t feel like putting anything up their ass. (But if that’s true, what are you even doing here?).
In this instance, you might want to prop your hips up with a pillow. Then, raise your legs and feel along your taint, the swath of skin between your balls and b-hole. Apply pressure around the halfway mark and feel around for something bulbous. If you have trouble finding the gland, spend some time in other erogenous areas beforehand, since the gland fills with fluid when aroused, making it easier to find.
Once you’ve found it, play around with techniques, speeds and pressures to figure out what feels best for you. Many describe prostate massage as the beginning of an orgasm, so seek out that sensation. If you feel like you have to pee, you’re pushing too hard. Sex toys can be also used for both internal and external stimulation.
What does a prostate orgasm feel like?
Because P-spot research is so scarce, I asked folks who’ve had them to describe what they feel like and/or explain how it happened. Hope this helps!
Alex, 30: “It’s like your body is being pulled in two different directions through the top of your eyeballs and down through just behind your balls all at once. It’s the eye rolling squirming feeling.”
Thirty minutes later, he texts back:
“So, I just had one with the boyfriend. I’d describe it as nature’s poppers. Like that lightheaded feeling when you think your whole body will explode when you cum and then shock and shivers.”
Cameron, 27: “A few summers ago, my lover at the time really knew what he was doing. In between fucking me, he would pull out and finger my prostate using those “come hither” and gentle pulsing motions. I could feel it swelling with pleasure and I felt it in my whole body rather than just in my pelvic region with a normal orgasm. Usually, my hole would clench and unclench with pleasure, but this time my whole body felt it. I was close to finishing and he started to rub my penis and I blacked out. Since then I’ve only come close to that a few times on my own with some extended toy play in the right spot. Hope that lover, now an ex, is off giving twinks prostate orgasms wherever he is.”
Jason, 40: “A prostate orgasm for me manifests itself with large intense pleasure cramps. I know cramps don’t sound appealing but I really don’t know how else to describe it. The waves go through my pelvis and legs and I can feel myself become fleshier, similar to the way it’s described with a vagina. While I know the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, it certainly feels extra wet in my hole. The contractions or pulses will last even up to ten minutes after the fucking is done.”
Benjie, 32: “It’s intense. It’s all encompassing. You kind of cease to exist for a second, the sensations are that strong. The feelings in my hole get stronger and stronger, and they kind of reach a peak of intensity and it all kind of comes crashing home. My muscle tense, I spasm a bit, and usually swear. A penis orgasm with ejaculation feels like a period. It’s an ending. My first prostate orgasm of the night is usually just a start.”
Andrew, 52: “While fingers could stimulate the prostate, causing a sharp but good sensation, it took dildos or whole hands to trigger a prostate orgasm. While a regular, ejaculation-type orgasm is good, it’s nothing compared to good prostate orgasm. For me, there’s the combined sensation of the toy being pushed in and out through sensitive nerve endings with that sharper sensation of the prostate being stimulated. My body spasms and feels almost like it might explode, my head sometimes kind of spinning under pressure. As it subsides my body relaxes and my head can be left slightly spinning, maybe seeing some spots. However, if my girlfriend continues thrusting it can happen again almost immediately, and this can happen over and over, often faster and with less or no warning. It becomes exhausting and overwhelming in the best of ways. Multiple orgasms!”
James, 25: “If I have someone inside me when I cum I almost always have a prostate orgasm. This does not translate to the (exceedingly few) times I’ve used a toy to penetrate myself. If a top is still thrusting when I come (the ideal), oftentimes this will stimulate my prostate and the orgasms come more intensely than they do from masturbation, and I can physically feel where the top will make contact with the areas around my prostate which increases pleasure. This kind of prostate exam is bisected in two concentrated areas: my shaft/tip, enhanced by the top’s thrusting & contact with my prostate, and in my prostate. The sensation is more full body than when I masturbate, because the orgasm waves seem to go all the way up to my head as opposed to staying around my genitals.”
What if you can’t have a prostate orgasm?
If you can’t seem to have a prostate orgasm, nothing’s wrong with you and you have nothing to be ashamed about! You may not have relaxed enough, or perhaps you’ll have better luck with a partner whose cock or strap-on hits you in just the right way. Maybe it’ll never happen at all––it’s no biggie. It’s cheesy AF but good sex, as with life, is about the journey, not the destination.
When done right, prostate massage is an incredible sensation, whether you climax or not. Our society is so goal-oriented about sex that it keeps us from enjoying the experience. So it’s time to shift that perspective. An orgasm is not a goal, nor should it be expected. Just have some fun and pleasure the hell out of each other.