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Straight Pride Parade: It’s Not Exactly A Laughing Matter

“We’re here! We’re Straight! We need more attention!”…
By Shaley Howard
A ‘straight pride parade’? I never stop being thoroughly entertained by straight people. When I heard about this, I found myself laughing thinking it was some sort of ridiculous joke. Until I realized that no, it is a thing and a thing scheduled in Boston this month. My first thoughts were well of course straight people need a parade. I mean gay people, enough already! You have the whole month of June?! Enough with the rainbows! What about the straight people dammit!?  I mean, it’s not as if everything in this culture is oriented for straight people, right? The horror of a month without heterosexuals’ front and center. I just get sooooo sick of waking up to story after story about the heterophobic attacks on the straight people! Said no one ever.
The organizers of the ‘straight’ parade insist it’s not about mocking LGBTQ+ people or homophobia, anti-choice, sexism or racism. It’s simply that they are discriminated against and are fighting for their ‘rights’ as straight people. When hearing this I had to think hard, really hard, as to what ‘rights’ exactly straight people are being denied.Still trying to come up with something. Apparently, I missed the memo that straight people are discriminated against and oppressed since every single thing in this culture screams heteronormative privilege and rights. But now we get to put up with, “We’re here! We’re Straight! We need more attention!”, and “Hey-Hey! Ho-Ho! Heterophobia has got to go!” Yes, apparently ‘Heterophobia’ is a real thing too. Who knew?
The first words that hit you on the Straight Pride website are: “Save the next generation of babies. National Straight Pride Coalition; “Normal, Natural, Healthy, Sane.” Continuing to say, ‘God ordained natural nuclear family (one man, one woman, and children)– the unquestionable superior method and that there’s irrefutable scientific recognition/fact that there are only, and can only be, two genders.’ Honestly there are so many asinine things on their website if I didn’t know they were serious I would think it was something straight out of Fox fake news.
Don Grundmann who heads the National Straight Pride Coalition is widely known for his association with white supremacy groups and his unabashed anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and opposition to LGBTQ rights. He’s made so many obscene comments it was hard to choose just a few but here are some:
“The legalization of homosexual marriage will virtually ensure that this real goal; the normalization of child molestation; will be achieved.  As homosexuality is an emotional pathology it can be cured with proper understanding and treatment”
“There’s essentially a war between two opposing religions. One is Christianity, and the other is satanism and humanism.” (LGBT people obviously the latter)
“There is no such thing as ‘transgender. It does not exist. What does exist are broken people who pretend to be the opposite sex and even mutilate themselves in the attempt. There is a massive Social Engineering campaign to normalize the soul pathology and social sickness of ‘transgenderism. ‘Transgender’ children are being used as weapons to attack and destroy normal/healthy children.”
Let’s be clear, this entire organization and ‘straight pride’ parade is a ruse. A strategic, well-organized operation rooted in white supremacist, anti-LGBT, sexist propaganda, with the obvious intent to push their agenda while talking out of their ass about unity and equality. It’s insane, ridiculous and obscene. I can’t decide if I should be laughing or screaming at the top of my lungs. Heterosexual discrimination? Seriously?
Are cis-gendered, straight people fired for being straight? Are they bullied for being heterosexual? Are cis-gendered, straight people harassed going into the bathroom? Are cis-gendered, straight people ever, EVER targeted for harassment solely because of their sexual orientation or gender identity? Can straight people hold hands in public without the fear of any slight or overt confrontation?  Do straight people have the Trump administration trying to legally ban them from the military? Will there be people with bullhorns at their parade yelling that ‘straight people are gonna burn in hell’?  Are heterosexuals ever murdered solely because of their gender identity or sexual orientation?
In 28 states, there are no explicit statewide laws at all protecting people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity in employment, housing and public accommodations. In 31 states there are no explicit employment protections for transgender people. Not to mention that LGBTQ kids are constantly bullied and five times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers.
So where is this whole ‘straight pride’ coming from? Is this backlash, fascism and hate? Or simply white cis-gender heterosexual male fragile ego? Whatever its source, I don’t think it’s a laughing matter. Not while my LGBTQ+ family is tirelessly fighting for equality, basic rights and often survival every single day.
So, what to do? Should we protest? Ignore it? Should we hold positive LGBTQ+ rallies at the same time? Most of the time I think simply ignoring hate mongers and not giving them attention works quite well. The issue I’m having is this group is rooted in alt-right hate that runs deep. And as implausible as it seems to assume no one will really take this seriously, I remind myself I also thought someone like Trump would never become president.

SHALEY HOWARD is an award winning LGBTQ+ activist in Portland Oregon. She writes a blog, Adventures of a Butch Dog Walker and runs a pet care business called Scratch N’ Sniff that she absolutely loves!

  • Silas brandt May 19, 2021

    Woah someone sounds pissed, need a minute while I go fetch mommy? I’m kidding, I agree with all the points that Don Grottmann lists and I really see how far your movement has gone downhill, all you’re doing is not only ruining the next generations but those after. Wake up, repent and you will be healed. In my prayers.

  • Someone June 8, 2021

    Well I have a few opinions on this. One I thought you were being serious in the beginning of this article, but I realized you weren’t. I have to say that I do believe that heterosexual discrimination is a thing. As in once in school I was told by a girl, randomly, I’m gay. Of course she wasn’t even saying the correct terminology and she was in fact dating someone. BUT I responded, I am straight. She looked absolutely repulsed by the fact I didn’t say congrats, she continued to reply, who asked for your opinion? Are you homophobic?! Most people don’t even know when pride month is, considering one day google says it’s October the next it’s June. Yes, people aren’t being KILLED for it, but LGBTQ+ people still say that even people who don’t say congrats in coming out are homophobic. So if the aggression towards non-responsive straights are homophobes, then passive-aggressive LGBTQ+s are heterophobes. That is my opinion so considering the no yelling at people for their opinion and ideas, no hate please.


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