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Fisting: A Primer

Could you tell me about fisting? How to work up to it, what can go wrong, how to make it really good, and so forth… both vaginal and anal. I just think it’s something people think they know about but aren’t sure how to do well!

GIl

Fisting—inserting your whole hand into someone’s orifice—has a special place in the queer sexual repertoire. It’s common practice among leatherfolk of all genders, but non-SM players love it too. And yet, there’s little well-written information out there. Why? Because it’s difficult to give a solid fisting lesson in writing. So consider this only a primer. You’re definitely best off taking a workshop or learning directly from someone with hands-on experience. For anal, learn about basic ass play first (Jack Morin’s classic Anal Pleasure and Health and Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women are great).

File your nails waaaay down. It’s safest and smoothest if you use a latex or nitrile glove. Pick the right size for your hand so it doesn’t wrinkle or bag. For anal fisting, the bottom may want to douche first to minimize mess and abrasion.

Lube is your friend. Evaluate your safer sex preferences and experiment until you find what works for you. For butts, Crisco shortening is a classic, but it stains sheets, and the oil can break down your latex glove. It also stays in your body for several days afterward, so it can compromise condom safety if you get penetrated with a penis or dildo later. These days, many opt for water-based lube, silicone lube or a combination. Pour it on, or use a lube-shooter to fill up the ass beforehand. Vaginas, unlike assholes, lubricate naturally, so watch for that as a sign of arousal and readiness before simply slopping on the store-bought stuff. When you do lube up, avoid lubes made with oil or glycerin—they can promote yeast infections.

Go slowly. Think hours, not minutes. This is not about force. It’s about deep intimacy—getting a person’s body so aroused that it welcomes you in. Start fucking with one finger and add more; once you’re at four fingers, tuck your thumb into your palm. Typical “challenge points” are the finger joint bridge (some people’s hands “collapse” smaller than others) and the meaty part of the thumb joint. If the top feels real resistance, or if the bottom feels pain, slow down or stop. If you get all the way inside, you can curl your hand into a fist.

Don’t make fisting into a goal-oriented experience. It may take many play sessions to get someone’s body accustomed to the intensity and fullness of fisting, for their muscles to relax, and for their trust in the top to grow enough to take it in—and it may never happen. Fisting truly is an exercise in both emotional and physical trust, so do it with respect and reverence for the amazing things our bodies can feel and do.

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