Do you have any tips or advice for pursuing casual sex?
I am at a place in my life where I’d like to just have sex with people, but I have never had one night stands, or made out with a stranger. Any ideas?
I like to think of casual sex as a bit like pick-up floor hockey. If you train up a bit and take good care of your minor injuries along the way, occasional non-competitive play can be really good for you.
Start by asking yourself what “casual sex” means to you. Who do you want to boink? Do you envision having a few friends with benefits? Weekly high-glam orgies in the back room of a club complete with coked-out supermodels? A monthly one-night stand with a handsome stranger you pick up at the neighbourhood pub? A week per year of hot vacation sex?
Also, what kind of sex turns your crank? What do you want? What do you not want? Can you say those things out loud to another person clearly? Practice alone or with a friend so you are better able to do so when things are getting hot and heavy with a stranger.
As for finding these casual sex partners, you’ve got options. You can, of course, try the online dating route. Be warned, though, that if you’re a woman who’s any flavour of queer and your profile says you want casual sex, you may be swamped with pings from douche-y dudes with “bang a hot lesbian” fantasies. So you may want to limit who can see your profile, or just expect a low signal-to-noise ratio.
You can also try targeted in-person cruising expeditions: dance clubs, meet-ups, fetish events, wine tastings, whatever. Go where your preferred type of hotties are. Or just put out the word among your friends: “I’d like to get well laid, no strings attached.” People who know and like you can be great at helping you find hot dates.
Regardless of what you want and who you want it with, get tested for STIs regularly and establish your safer sex approach so you can explain it comfortably to a potential date—“latex on anything that goes inside me,” for instance. Be willing to walk away if someone doesn’t want to respect those boundaries. Also think about your approach to intoxicants—how many (or few) drinks you’re comfortable having before getting into a sexual situation. Remember that while alcohol can lower inhibitions, it can also screw with your decision-making abilities.
Lastly, practice saying the following two words: yes and no. As in, “Yes, please strap on the big one and butt-fuck me. With a condom and plenty of non-glycerin lube.” And as in, “No, oral sex isn’t my bag for a one-night stand, but thanks for offering.” The better you can articulate your limits and interests, the more likely you’ll get exactly the kind of casual sex you want.